Journey through the Inner World
I remember the exact moment my awareness turned on to my inner world.
I was 8, maybe 9. My Mom was tucking me into bed, telling me to think happy thoughts, to ward off nightmares that often visited me as I slept. I asked her, "but how do I even know I am thinking?"
Like seeing my passed loved ones in dreams now, my memory of her response is filled with silence. I wish I could remember what she told me, but I do remember what happened next.
Suddenly, my inner world was louder than ever before. There they were! My thoughts!
Now, how do I turn them off?
I'd unlocked the door to my wild imagination that had always been quietly running in the background. It was both playful, and terrifying.
It would take years before I recognized the power this awareness carried.
Without realizing how damaging it was, I spent most of my twenties masking behind personas and identities that helped me feel like I “fit in”, while constantly wrestling my thoughts. An effort to repress my thoughts and feelings, but, in turn, having them come back stronger and louder than ever before.
Enough self-help books taught me that awareness isn't about silencing, but it is about seeing more clearly, as a witness.
… Okay, but how do we do that?
I started to notice the patterns within my mental makeup. The coping strategies, the protective qualities...
My mind wasn't trying to betray me; my hypervigilance was trying to keep me safe.
Having finally started therapy in my early 30s, I found ways to retrain my body and mind. Breathwork, meditation, talk therapy, parts work... they have all had a role.
Shifting my thoughts from "what's wrong with me?" to "what happened to me?", and noticing, somatically, where I was carrying the weight, I began to dig into the roots of my being. It became easier for me to meet my thoughts with compassion, rather than urgency.
When I started metaphysical studies, I gained more of my power back.
A Course in Miracles explains our thoughts as illusions, rather than truths. It encourages the power of choosing how our thoughts are interpreted, and allowing the mind to rest in peace, rather than remain in a constant state of war.
I found strength in knowing my thoughts don't have to mean what my hypervigilant and critical parts think they mean.
It helped me see that inner peace isn't found in controlling our thoughts, but in changing how we relate to them.
“I can see Peace instead of this.”
A Course in Miracles, Lesson 34
Shortly thereafter, my yoga teacher training began. The devotion to daily practice helped bring all of these lessons together, with my body as the tool.
Holding a challenging pose became a metaphor for holding a challenging emotion. Struggling in a balance became a marker of being off balance somewhere else. Feeling tightness in my body symbolized where I needed to let go, surrender.
Breath awareness became a sensation to stay with, on and off the mat.
Body awareness became an anchor and guide when my mind began to spiral.
Allowing rest became my way of integration.
My nervous system was learning the safety it always needed, through rhythm, repetition, and breath.
“Yoga is the calming of the fluctuations of the mind.”
Patanjali’s Yoga Sutra 1.2
Of course, I am still a work in progress, and find solace in knowing I am an eternal student in this life.
Like all things, these lessons will be learnt over and over throughout the spiral of life. New perspectives, quiet reminders, frequent re-memberings. I tend to go back to books I found comforting and wise to revisit their lessons and attempt to integrate them again. I would love to share some of these with you in later musings. Perhaps some will resonate with you on your journey, too.
For now, I offer this these closing thoughts:
Peace doesn't come from silencing the mind; it arrives when we learn to sit with our thoughts, rather than live inside them.
Peace grows when we offer ourselves compassion and gratitude, even in the smallest moments.
Especially in the smallest moments.
Reflections
When did you first become aware of your own thoughts? What do you imagine consciousness felt like before your stories formed?
Where has awareness helped you soften, rather than struggle?
What parts of you deserve more appreciation than they receive?
In what way can you learn from your body what you are carrying in your inner world?
What would it sound like to meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism? Where does this show up in your body?
What small moments in your day can you feel grateful for? How does noticing them shift your inner state?
The Conscious, Sacred Vow
I love real love, baby.
When I think about marriage, I think of how conscious a decision it is between two already whole humans. I consider the commitment taken with their whole hearts, and their desire to honour the love that has grown, deepened, and taken form between them. I recognize the commitment in treating their love as a living, evolving partnership, ready to use the strength gathered from all which has been endured to compassionately weather all that is to come.
This past summer, I had the absolute honour of co-facilitating a ceremony for two of my nearest friends, by performing a short and sweet handfasting ritual. The guestlist was an intimate 14 people, creating a safe space, and leaving room to have everyone play a special part. Their ceremony involved walking together into the woods, standing in circle as two of their best friends led the ceremony and handfasting ritual, another taking gorgeous photos to capture the memories, and all who attended joining in song for a beautiful choral moment among the trees. So symbolic of how deeply rooted their love is, and how much deeper it goes when they’re surrounded by the ones who have encouraged and supported them from the start. Theirs is a kind of love that brings out the best in each other, rippling outward in kindness, encouraging others to love deeper, and I’m all for that.
“To hold something fast means to make it secure. … A handfasting involve(s) a public statement of a commitment…”
Oberon
Handfasting, an ancient Celtic-Pagan tradition, was historically a symbolic promise to last a year plus one day, when, if successful, the couple would officially marry. It has been popular among the Queer community as a binding of intention and a ritualization of love long before the government decided it was “allowed”. There are so many variations of the ritual, and most practitioners have developed their own system and method for performance. Some couples choose to have the handfasting be the entirety of the ceremony, but my girls chose to have it coincide and compliment a more traditional-to-them ceremony script.
The handfasting ritual we put together involved each wedding guest placing a ribbon into a bowl held by the couple as they offered love and blessings in support of a happy and healthy marriage. This was followed by a hand braided cord being wrapped around the joined hands of both partners, a sacred blessing, and a knot being tied as the partners slid their hands apart.
I love everything about this ritual; the participation and engagement from each member, where the couple was able to have their bowl filled with communal blessings from their village, reminding them they are surrounded and supported in love; the intimate moment between the couple as they are being dressed in the cord, symbolizing the chosen connection, weaving together two paths in love, trust, and shared intention; the magickal moment of a sacred pause to bless and honour the journey ahead; and the climactic moment of a knot being tied, symbolizing that their lives and souls are now intertwined in direction, intention, and love.
This intimate presence allows for a beautiful moment of togetherness. The ceremony elevates the attention of their love from a deep rooted, wholehearted feeling, to a conscious, sacred vow.
“Ceremony focuses attention so that attention can become intention. If you stand together and profess a thing before your community, it holds you accountable.”
Robin Wall Kimmerer
This intentional space between the couple not only supports individual growth, but as well, a shared becoming. This isn’t always easy, as it can take decades, or a whole lifetime, to find our own becoming and belonging, as we move through our life cycles. This choice decides the relationship as a container for expansion, not limitation, and allows for each partner to feel safe in unconditional love as they navigate their personal challenges and feats. The partnership itself evolves into a living being, thriving when both partners are honoured separately and as a unit.
The most beautiful part of it all, is that no two love stories are the same.
I believe a wedding ceremony should reflect a couple’s journey. In a metaphysical ceremony, what brings out the spiritual nature of the relationship is honoured through a creative and emotional expression. A symbiotic blend of their personalities and what makes their inner flames burn so bright when they are together, becomes an offering of gratitude to those who support their becoming. The ceremony, both personal and sacred, is a moment to cherish and remember fondly, encapsulating the true magic of the partnership.
I would be honoured to co-create the ceremony of your dreams, to symbolically reflect your love in ritual and spiritual commitment. The space I hold is peaceful and revered, as I listen with heart, and do my best to respectfully honour your unique love in words and ritual.
The ceremony marks the beginning of your next chapter together, setting the tone for your future. Your wedding is not only the celebration of your unique love and undying trust, it is a conscious devotion to tending a living partnership where you both may bloom. Remember that marriage isn’t just one day, but a chosen act of love every day forth. Love is a continual practice, one that needs tending, is always evolving, and requires intentional attention.
“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”
Rumi
Elizabeth and Alee
Photo by the incredibly talented Vanessa Tignanelli
@vantigphoto
A Warm Solstice Welcome
All life begins in the dark.
In the warmth of the womb.
In a seed buried deep within the Earth.
In the quiet shelter of an egg.
The darkness is our incubation. A season of rest, turning inward, nourishment, stillness, and quiet, meant to be peaceful and calm.
For much of my life, I’ve considered winter to be the end of the year: the longest, darkest nights, slowly transitioning to longer days in the new beginnings of spring. But, my relationship with winter has changed.
Today, on the Winter Solstice in the Northern Hemisphere, the returning light arrives as winter begins.
A crack in the season’s darkness.
A gentle reminder that every beginning emerges from the shadow.
“There is a crack, a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Leonard Cohen
In this way, winter becomes the true beginning, where all of the unseen work quietly unfolds. The soft becoming that prepares us to arrive Earthside once again when spring arrives. It is a time to find nourishment in the quiet moments, and to welcome the light in slowly, allowing it to reveal all that has been resting in the shadows.
I’ve spent the past few years studying the Metaphysical, and working towards opening a ministry where I can help others find inner peace and belonging within themselves, and heal their relationship with the outer world. What I like about the Metaphysical religion is that it is extremely broad - perfect for my curious mind that reads books about grief one day, to personality types the next, only to follow up with some yogic philosophy or astrology soon after. The University of Metaphysics explains that “we see metaphysics as the search for truth, purpose, and meaning in life, which we believe can be found through spiritual introspection and personal experiences (such as mindfulness meditation).” Discovering this has felt like coming home to myself; my yogic journey was an incredible catalyst throughout this process, and I am so grateful to have found my way back to honouring my light, and in turn, honouring all of yours.
Moss and Moon is a space holder for this light - your light - to spark, to grow, to carry you.
It is the growth that gathers on our own personal rocks and roots, just as moss softens into being in the hardest places. It is the wisdom found in the lunar cycles, reminding us that light and shadow both have their place within us.
It is the inner peace that rises from devoted practice and tender awareness; the curiosity that guides us deeper into our being, where we settle into our own belonging.
Here you’ll find inspirational quotes, journal prompts, yoga flows, breathwork and meditations, and whatever else inspires me. It is rooted in my quirky spirit, uniquely shaped by ideas and thoughts that have come my way. I am as much a student as I am a Minister, and I am honoured to walk this path with you. I hope some of it resonates with you on your journey, and I encourage you to leave what doesn’t. That’s part of its beauty, as we are not all meant to walk identical paths.
The world needs us to light our own inner flames.
But with compassionate hearts, curious minds, and love as our guide, we can all help walk each other home.
Let this mark our new beginning; a seed planted for our inner workings. Let us return to the warmth of our own spirits.
Let us be our own light.
Welcome to Moss and Moon.
Thank you for being.