The Conscious, Sacred Vow

I love real love, baby.

When I think about marriage, I think of how conscious a decision it is between two already whole humans. I consider the commitment taken with their whole hearts, and their desire to honour the love that has grown, deepened, and taken form between them. I recognize the commitment in treating their love as a living, evolving partnership, ready to use the strength gathered from all which has been endured to compassionately weather all that is to come. 

This past summer, I had the absolute honour of co-facilitating a ceremony for two of my nearest friends, by performing a short and sweet handfasting ritual. The guestlist was an intimate 14 people, creating a safe space, and leaving room to have everyone play a special part. Their ceremony involved walking together into the woods, standing in circle as two of their best friends led the ceremony and handfasting ritual, another taking gorgeous photos to capture the memories, and all who attended joining in song for a beautiful choral moment among the trees. So symbolic of how deeply rooted their love is, and how much deeper it goes when they’re surrounded by the ones who have encouraged and supported them from the start. Theirs is a kind of love that brings out the best in each other, rippling outward in kindness, encouraging others to love deeper, and I’m all for that.

“To hold something fast means to make it secure. … A handfasting involve(s) a public statement of a commitment…”

• Oberon
  

Handfasting, an ancient Celtic-Pagan tradition, was historically a symbolic promise to last a year plus one day, when, if successful, the couple would officially marry. It has been popular among the Queer community as a binding of intention and a ritualization of love long before the government decided it was “allowed”. There are so many variations of the ritual, and most practitioners have developed their own system and method for performance. Some couples choose to have the handfasting be the entirety of the ceremony, but my girls chose to have it coincide and compliment a more traditional-to-them ceremony script. 

The handfasting ritual we put together involved each wedding guest placing a ribbon into a bowl held by the couple as they offered love and blessings in support of a happy and healthy marriage. This was followed by a hand braided cord being wrapped around the joined hands of both partners, a sacred blessing, and a knot being tied as the partners slid their hands apart. 

I love everything about this ritual; the participation and engagement from each member, where the couple was able to have their bowl filled with communal blessings from their village, reminding them they are surrounded and supported in love; the intimate moment between the couple as they are being dressed in the cord, symbolizing the chosen connection, weaving together two paths in love, trust, and shared intention; the magickal moment of a sacred pause to bless and honour the journey ahead; and the climactic moment of a knot being tied, symbolizing that their lives and souls are now intertwined in direction, intention, and love. 

This intimate presence allows for a beautiful moment of togetherness. The ceremony elevates the attention of their love from a deep rooted, wholehearted feeling, to a conscious, sacred vow. 

“Ceremony focuses attention so that attention can become intention. If you stand together and profess a thing before your community, it holds you accountable.”

• Robin Wall Kimmerer
  

This intentional space between the couple not only supports individual growth, but as well, a shared becoming. This isn’t always easy, as it can take decades, or a whole lifetime, to find our own becoming and belonging, as we move through our life cycles. This choice decides the relationship as a container for expansion, not limitation, and allows for each partner to feel safe in unconditional love as they navigate their personal challenges and feats. The partnership itself evolves into a living being, thriving when both partners are honoured separately and as a unit. 

The most beautiful part of it all, is that no two love stories are the same. 

I believe a wedding ceremony should reflect a couple’s journey. In a metaphysical ceremony, what brings out the spiritual nature of the relationship is honoured through a creative and emotional expression. A symbiotic blend of their personalities and what makes their inner flames burn so bright when they are together, becomes an offering of gratitude to those who support their becoming. The ceremony, both personal and sacred, is a moment to cherish and remember fondly, encapsulating the true magic of the partnership.

I would be honoured to co-create the ceremony of your dreams, to symbolically reflect your love in ritual and spiritual commitment. The space I hold is peaceful and revered, as I listen with heart, and do my best to respectfully honour your unique love in words and ritual. 

The ceremony marks the beginning of your next chapter together, setting the tone for your future. Your wedding is not only the celebration of your unique love and undying trust, it is a conscious devotion to tending a living partnership where you both may bloom. Remember that marriage isn’t just one day, but a chosen act of love every day forth. Love is a continual practice, one that needs tending, is always evolving, and requires intentional attention. 

“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.”

• Rumi

Elizabeth and Alee

Photo by the incredibly talented Vanessa Tignanelli
@vantigphoto